“5. Create a logical flow for your ideas. Coherence tests:

1. Does each of the topic sentences tied back to the thesis? (Does it develop your argument?)

2. Do the topic sentences, in the order that you read them, make logical sense? Are you telling a story? (Does your argument progress in an organized manner?)

3. Will each paragraph actually be about what the topic sentence says it will be about? (Many writers tend to ignore their paragraphing in favor of presenting any idea that comes into their head. Outlining will help you avoid this)” (Course Anthology 1301).

THIS is what I need for P2! I’ve been editing slowly since I’m drowning in other assignments, but I feel like these small steps will help me establish a logical order and organization to my essay. I’m very passionate about integrating video games into analysis and I want (and need) to get this project right not only for the class but for myself.


“The Scope: is it focused enough? Are you tackling the history of Western civilization in a three page paper? Focus on a sufficiently narrow aspect of your subject area so that you can make a complete argument. Consider whether your research will support your argument, and adjust your thesis accordingly” (1307).

FOCUS. Another key element in my upcoming paper.  My main concern was my thesis, which I believe I have fixed now, but I still need  to keep on working on reworking my evidence into the thesis, and connecting it back. But my main target is FOCUS.

focus red word and conceptual target

“‘Most of us write as if w’ere paid a dime a word'” (1366).

I felt like this quote represents much of my flowery writing. Everyone that has edited my paper (even before my class) tells me to cut back on my fluffy writing.

“Eliminating Wordiness:

3. Phrases that can be replaced by single words” (1368).

Hemingway loved using this technique when revising his own papers and so I used that as a model for revising. I definitely focused on this advice when editing my fellow classmates’ paper. I believe I tried to emphasize this to any of them that needed help with conciseness or word choice.



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